Walking

Two friends are talking and they walk into a bar. You would think one of them would have seen it.

Here for other corny jokes.

Regret

A soldier serving overseas far from home was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote to break off their engagement and ask for her photograph back.

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together, and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret that I cannot remember which one you are. Please keep your photo and return the others."

Bye Bob

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

You've Got Mail

God heard that the people on Earth were not being good, and decided to send an angel down to check it out. Shortly, the angel returned, and said that 95% of the people on Earth were bad, and 5% good.

Well, God wasn't to happy about this, so he sends down a second angel, who comes back and says the same thing.

God doesn't know what to do about this, but he wants to do something to reward the good people. He finally decides to send the 5% of good people an email.

You know what the email said?

Me either.

Funny Signs

Hey guys! Guess what! We've made it a whole week. In celebration, I will share with you all some funny signs.

The Power of Thinking

A new research program has recently be studying the effects of mind power, with some interesting results...

A new soldier is preparing for his first battle, eager and ready to go. He has his uniform, his hat, everything he needs, except his weapons.

He goes up to the General, and tells him of his problem. The General looks around for a moment, before saying, "Yes, we are running short on supplies here, and the next shipment won't be in for a couple of days. Tell you what, all you need to do is believe you have a weapon, and it will work."

The young soldier looks at him incredulously. "I know it sounds weird, but trust me, if you believe you have a gun, hold your hands out like a gun, and shout bamity-bam-bam, it will be like a real gun.

The soldier, a little weary, decides to try it. Later, when he is marching into battle, he holds up his hands, pretending to hold rifle, and says bamity-bam-bam. He watches amazed as he shoots someone down.

He returns to the position, shouting bamity-bam-bam, bamity-bam-bam into the enemy, and starts taking out the enemy quickly. As the battle goes on, the soldier spots a guy on the other side who is standing off to one side, unguarded.

Quickly taking this to his advantage, the soldier point to him and goes bamity-bam-bam. Nothing happens. He tries again, this time, the guy has noticed him shooting, and starts to come towards the young soldier.

The soldier frantically shouts bamity-bam-bam, again and again, as he comes closer, with nothing happening. Finally, a few feet before the man gets to him, our soldier is pushed down. He wonders how this is possible, when suddenly he hears "tankity-tank-tank, tankity-tank-tank."

Pete and Repete

Pete and Repete were brothers. One day, they went fishing, and got a big catch. But hauling it into the boat, Pete fell off. Who was left?

Repete

Pete and Repete were brothers. One day, they went fishing, and got a big catch. But hauling it into the boat, Pete fell off. Who was left?

Repete (repeat)


Pete and Repete were brothers. One day, they went fishing, and got a big catch. But hauling it into the boat, Pete fell off. Who was left?


.......